Dressing Differently
Trend trauma from years past, societal deconditioning, and branching out of my style comfort zone
For so many years of my life, I dressed to look skinny. I would actively choose clothing that flattered my body and didn’t make me look too “big.” Talk about a fatphobic narrative. Especially growing up in the late 90s/early 2000s, diet culture was ingrained in the flesh of our society. The fad diets like Slim Fast in the decade of low-rise jeans being in style was just simply cruel and unusual punishment to so many young adults - myself included.
When I was in high school, low-rise jeans were IN (and I mean IN, in). I didn’t even have the knowledge that high-rise jeans once existed, and spent the entirety of my high school career squeezing my body into jeans that truly did not fit her at all. Because all I wanted as a 16-year-old was to fit in with my friends, I’d buy the hip Hollister jeans, pair them with spanx to suck in my belly, and voila - that’d become my staple outfit for multiple years.
I remember loving the leggings-under-denim skirt trend because I could at least have some comfort in the clothing I was wearing. Leggings stretched. Leggings covered the legs underneath my too-short skirt. Leggings were comfortable. But leggings plus denim skirt still equaled double the tummy suck-in, unlike my other go to, the low-rise jeans.
I was miserable in my body. I was miserable in my clothes. I was miserable in my life because of these two things. My confidence was so low. I didn’t feel good in my day-to-day life because I was trying to fit my precious, growing body into clothes that did not fit properly because I wanted to look as small as possible.
Looking back, I wish I knew there were options other than stuffing my body into a pair of jeans that did not fit her.
I’m now currently on a quest to dress in clothing that I enjoy and that feels good on my body and that I actually like instead of making it about dressing to look “skinny.” I want to crush the flattering clothing narrative for myself once and for all.
As I write this, I’m single and dating. I’m challenging myself to step outside of my comfort zone on first dates - wearing things I wouldn’t necessarily feel outright “sexy” in. I’ve been wearing a lot of oversized jeans with tennis shoes - a combo I wouldn’t have been caught dead in (let alone on a date in) two years ago.
Now, I use the example of a first date because this is the peak time I am trying to appear sexy: I’m trying to attract a partner, that of which is male. I’m trying my hardest to look appealing to the opposite sex. This is why the challenge of dressing differently has been so fun to explore. Because I’m coming to see the proof that a first date is about so much more than simply the way I look - duh, obviously. But to a woman (hi, me) who’d spent years of her life not being liked by the opposite sex, this information feels too good to be true.
But I’ll tell you what, right here and right now at 32.5 years old, I’m feeling more confident than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m confident in my personality. I’m confident in my ability to relate to others. And I’m confident in my skin. And do you know what’s more important than the way I look? The way I treat other people and treat myself.
*mic drop*
Another example is I went to a Galentine’s party last night and wore an outfit that I felt good in but not necessarily sexy in - when I arrived and saw how hot the other girlies looked in their short skirts and mini dresses, I instantly felt insecure. Luckily, I’m pretty well-versed in the self-talk. So I was able to give myself a quick pep talk to remind myself it’s okay to wear baggier jeans and an oversize top, and my clothes don’t always have to be tight or make me look small to be deemed as “sexy.”
I’m exploring what it’s like to wear these clothing combinations and still feel confident in my skin. Because yes, ultimately, my clothes DO have an impact on how I feel about myself and my body and my overall confidence. But it’s surely not the sum of the whole, right?
We’ve been conditioned by our lovely society that appearing small equals good and appearing big equals bad. Unfortunately, this has been the norm for decades. But we have proof it wasn’t always this way. The curvaceous Greek goddesses with their full hips and thick thighs were deemed sexy in ancient times. The dresses women wore in the 1920s didn’t hug their waists, allowing them to appear boxy and not snatched and still sexy.
I think fit modeling has had an impact on this mental shift for me, absolutely. The opportunity to try on a vast selection of clothing and give comments on the fit of the garments has allowed me to feel confident about my body in a variety of different types of styles. I remember about a year or so ago I started fitting baggy pants styles. As of late, I’m fitting a lot of low-rise styles because as trends tend to do, it’s yet again come back around full circle. Full circle, indeed.
This exploration of what it is to put on a pair of low-rise pants, those which gave me such traumatic experiences in high school, look at myself in the mirror during a fitting is opening up a new world of radical acceptance when it comes to my body.
So much of my inner child is being healed through these different explorations of what it means to dress my body, feel confident in my body, and then share this all with you. My hope is that some part of your inner child will heal through my body image musings too <3
While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.